by starsick

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released August 10, 2017



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starsick Richmond, Virginia

solo artist
self-taught by ear

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Track Name: (be)longing
i lie down with him, questioning
i strip myself bare above
but he is covered in respect for his other

a close friend, a theatrical higher power
fear hooks nuisant in the details
between the lines of his love
and i hesitate, wary

too embedded to escape,
devoted yet distrustful
convinced to be fulfilled
and yet still unrequited
except in my lust

it sinks with fuller impact every day
but it hasn't quite yet sunk all the way
i become more enamored every day
but i'm starting to get lonely from being stray
Track Name: slime
he slipped his hand down close to hell and said
someone's been here before
there were soft green walls and dandelion floors

and god sat in the corner with a head of silver-gold
she knocked the wall at sleep and slid letters under doors
so we wouldn't be led into the forest

i sat beneath a beam of heaven and spoke in hushed tones
about where his hands had been
as the other girls listened vacantly and drank nail varnish
when i inquired, all she said was "we don't speak of it"

the heads said from up high that i was a liar and i needed to be corrected
so they washed my mind
as i gazed into the eyes of a rabbit

he wrapped his arms around my frame as i turned to ice,
he seemed pleased with my compliance
i had to freeze for my own life
and as i spoke of it, a gag choked all of us silent.
Track Name: december
i sway, and the sky sways above me alongside
frost in the grass, stars in my eyes
dancing with the night sky;
orion on high, his dog trails behind
the brightest beacon to shine
Track Name: lost child
as a child i felt older than my years
mistaken for adolescent
now i've grown i want to go back, sometimes i want to go back
to being small, to being young

as a child i felt beyond my peers
always straining to be outcast
reaching for something other than the noise of my surroundings
i dreamed of the cosmos
and craved to stand out from the rest, desired to surpass

but instead i disappeared, became thin and sickly, rabid minded
overtaken by something inside me that never healed

here and now
i'm not adapting to lanky limbs and other humans
my childhood was taken

so pardon if i'm infantile, yet aged beyond what i should be
i've lost so many years i don't know what it's like to be "me"

please just let me be a child
i'll grow new roots and sever the past

i want it back
Track Name: his ocean
("he was an ocean, i was dragged under;
if i spilled my guts you'd be disgusted by the mess so i stay silent.")

i'm losing sight of what was real
you're evolving in my head
being twisted and distorted by my craving
you've been demonized; you've been canonized
make me real, oh make me real again!
tear me apart
i unzipped my skin for you
in threadlike webs and watched the blood roll from the wounds
you're a ghost &
you have the power to make me feel like i'm drowning without ever
touching the sea;
to make my chest collapse without ever touching me
a ghost in my memories
make me real, o make me real please
anchor me